Small steps...

“Feeling like you need to hold something close is perfectly normal in grief. In previous posts in this series we've talked about different things people often choose to keep that belonged to or somehow connect them with their person. The brutal, intimate truth here is that what you really want to hold is no longer here. So, whatever you can hold - whether it actually belonged to them or not - you hold it as close, and often, and as long as you need to.”  ~Megan Devine

Still working on “de-cluttering” and finally surrendering to the fact that it is impossible to make a single decent cup of coffee in a 12-cup coffee maker. I threw in the towel and bought myself a one cup coffee maker. It works great, coffee tastes better, but still not as good as the coffee Skip made every morning the past few years.  It came time to get rid of or donate the old coffee maker, which I am not sure is even “donatable” it is so old, paint peeling on the heating plate, letters rubbed off after years of cleaning, and it has a small leak in the water reservoir. I make the decision to just pitch it, and absolutely unexpectedly broke down emotionally.  That coffee pot was a part of our morning routine and here I am throwing it away.  Tears, guilt, and grief came out of nowhere and took me out. I did eventually work through the melt-down and put the coffee maker in the garbage can.  Not because I wanted to, but because I could feel him telling me how silly I was being and laughing at me for being so attached to a coffee pot, reminding me to move forward....small steps.

"Wish You Were Here" Avril Lavigne