normal ???

"No matter what happens next in your life, it will never be adequate compensation. The life you lost can't come back. That loss can't be regained.

"Recovery" in grief is not about moving on or filling the void created by your loss. Recovery is about listening to your wounds. Recovery is being honest about the state of your own devastation. It's about cultivating patience, not the kind that implies waiting it out until you return to normal, but patience in knowing that grief and loss will carve their way through you, changing you. Making their own kind of beauty, in their own ways." ~ Megan Devine

“Recovery” in my life has always been about pushing through, no pain-no gain, take the anti-biotics-stay in bed-it will pass, have the surgery-endure the expense/pain and you will recover, it will all be normal again. Even with the slow degrading of life with heart failure, I have learned to overcome and adjust to the “new normal” but in sudden traumatic loss the reality of there will not be any kind of normal has been a difficult concept to grab on to.  I find that my worst days, loss, anger, frustration, the feeling of failure are centered around my inability to get back to “normal”. Learning how to incorporate grief into my life, accept the loss and appreciate all that we had and I now have proven to be the most  Normal as I knew it will never be again. I am learning how to cope with that.

difficult thing I have ever had to do.

"Awaken Me"