life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to grieve my losses, to laugh long and hard, and to learn how to live a full magnificent life with heart failure. I am honoring my creativity, and exploring all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say....."Don't talk like that!"


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Sunday, January 19, 2020

Working on it...


Anxiety is such a huge issue in grief, who knew?  I am learning that feelings of anxiety are normal for those who have survived sudden, intense loss or trauma. Although I have never had a fear of crowds, doing art shows, gallery openings, teaching…but inside this grief, any unknown and the whole world feels unsafe except for the little home that Skip and I spent more than 40 years in. Anywhere else requires I maintain a constant vigilance: searching for early warning signs of trouble, guarding against more loss. I mentally and emotionally rehearse what I would do if I were faced with unthinkable trauma AGAIN.

I am learning that this problem, rather than helping me feel safe, is becoming a perpetual fear creating a small, hard, painful life that isn't safer than any other life.  I see it and with help I am working on it….
"Her Diamonds"  Rob Thomas

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