I get to start over, I now have a plan, all of the
wandering, waiting, fear of making the wrong decision is over and it really is
a new beginning! I have officially, with my doctors consent and blessing,
discontinued the testing for cardiac viability and heart transplant. I will
soon have an ICD (internal cardiac defiblirator) implanted. In everything I
have ever read about this kind of long term disease there has never been
anything said about this kind lack of dread…or maybe they did and I just could
not recognize it. Maybe this is acceptance, that
illusive final stage! Maybe I could not
get that wonderful last step of Kubler-Ross until the doctors acknowledged that
I was dying. Maybe there had to be some
kind of official acknowledgment before I would allow myself to get to
acceptance. Whatever the reason, there has been a completely unexpected feeling
of happiness. Now we (me and my doctors)
have a plan, now I can move forward, and do anything I want….No more standing
still, no more waiting….only living!
This is a beautiful new beginning!"Hold on-I'm Coming" Sam & Dave
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