Finding Grace.....

Grace was always defined for me, now I am embarrassingly having to find it for myself.  I know, I know, I ask myself constantly how did I let this happen??? The year has been filled with more grief and pain than I thought I would ever experience, much less survive, and the thought of even growing, moving forward was beyond all comprehension.  But…there are times that I see cracks in the grief.  The one thing they all have in common is that it takes time and my “want” to regain those parts of myself that were good, recover my strengths and talents, and move forward. I want to enjoy life, I want to love (even though I now know how much pain can be attached to that love). I am embracing a new set of skills in taking care of me because quite frankly, it is just me now!  Yesterday I got for myself new snazzy headphones, Bluetooth, memory card, FM radio, and computer.  It was a gift from me to me just because I wanted them, could afford them (they were not that much) and I am learning that living without is not a sign of great character and responsibility, although there have been parts of my life that sacrifice for the family was necessary and it was expected and honored as being good and selfless, it does not really matter anymore.  So…I am learning…I am learning to find my own worth, my own grace.

"Grace is Gone" Dave Matthews Band