“When sudden death erupts
into your life, your whole way of understanding the world is rocked. Previous
interests – even things you loved – can seem futile.
You aren’t the person you
were before. This experience of love that you’re living has knocked you off
course. When you gain your footing again – and that takes the time it takes –
you’re going to be facing a different direction. You’ll have to find out how
you fit here now, who you are in this new place.” ~Megan Devine
As I began to “re-enter” my
life, I realize how much it has changed.
I am not sure if it is me, or everyone else. I suspect it is me. When I had an idea, a plan, or a problem Skip
and I talked it over, figured it out, made a plan. Then we moved forward, we did not care what
other people thought. Then we would celebrate or fail together, carrying the
brunt of responsibility together. Now it
is all on me. All of the self-help books
tell me to get out there, make connections, but it just is not working
out. I am uncomfortable, the creators I
always felt were like me risk-takers, trailblazers, rule-breakers the lovers
of different, the pushers of the envelope are frozen by fear. I am still here, I still have so much learning
to do…but I have to be careful about how I fill in the blank spaces. Fear cannot be a part of my life. I have to learn to make my own decisions, own
my own failures and successes.
"I am Here, I am not Here" Julia Stone
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