I did not get this lesson growing up, I must have been absent that day! I often wonder if I had had the strength to be myself earlier in life, would this march toward authenticity be such an uphill climb? One of my favorite authors, Brene’ Brown made the correlation between authenticity and vulnerability and it was an AH-HA moment! As much as I desperately try to be authentic I was equally determined to NOT allow myself to be vulnerable. She observed that one cannot exist without the other. DAMN. I had emotionally “stacked the deck” for a no-fail result. I could not allow vulnerability to be a part of this. It would leave me open and defenseless, and that could never be a part of the strong successful life and death I had planned. There has been something that keeps me from really being authentic, being myself, and letting go. I acknowledge it and I understand it, but the fear still lurks around in every the tiny dark corner of my head and heart. I am afraid vulnerability is the only way through this and it is so scary!
"The Fault in Our Stars" Troye Sivan
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