Another first is coming, and I cringe…He loved jelly beans…Easter
may have been his favorite holiday just for the jelly beans. He had an unbelievable sweet tooth. Jelly
beans, chocolate, and jolly ranchers were his “go to” every weekend at the Walgreens
and/or Dollar Store around the corner. It used to make me crazy, I would just look
at those things and gain weight. He ate
them like an addict and never gained an ounce! I still have some of his last Hershey’s chocolate
bar in the refrigerator. I know…I know..the day will come…but not today…and
today is about jelly beans.
I know friends and family are watching to see if I am
recovering. I am accepting that I never
will, but also learning that it is ok.
I remember our stories – his story, every day. It’s not just
a story. It still matters. It still hurts. It is still love.
The truth is, being happy, recovering, living now does not
negate the pain of his death. They don’t cancel each other out. I carry both of
them. Those two realities share the same space, side by side. They most likely
always will.
Last week, I went to the dollar store, and there were jelly
beans everywhere! I could not help myself and of course, I bought jelly beans
for Skip…and here they sit on the kitchen counter. This morning Jill (my awesome DIL) texted and
asked if I could bring jelly beans for Easter.
Of course I can!
"Don't Give Up" Peter Gabriel
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