It is the 5th…again. And as hard as I try, the
memories of that morning roar back into my heart. My head and rational thinking
cannot stop or control the grief and pain. I remember it like it was
yesterday and am still afraid it will happen again, even though I know it is
impossible.
Darren called and told me Jill was on her way to pick me up,
he was at the hospital, Skip had been brought it by the ambulance. We arrived and they took us straight back to
a small (not patient room). A nurse came in and said Skip appeared to have had
an aortic aneurism and they were working hard.
Less than 2 min. later a doctor arrived and told us he did not make
it. I did not understand what “did not
make it” meant and asked if we wanted to see him…Of course, I did, I still could
not grasp what he meant “did not make it”. I was a normal Monday morning we had
had coffee together and I had just waved goodbye when he left for work 2 hours
ago.
I still cannot explain that first the look at him, the confusion
and devastation of that moment. I see it my dreams every night, but on the 5th
of every month it feels like I re-live it…and it is really hard. It is the one memory I want desperately to
let go of…and I just cannot seem to do it and I do not understand why.
"Won't last a day" Carpenters
I know this is sappy, but sometimes it just is what it is
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