The 5th of every month just sucks, the monthly anniversary
of his death continues to haunt me. The day began with good/bad news from the
hospice nurse. Changing meds again
indicates to me that the kidneys are now beginning to fail, but I am so looking
forward to the new pain med that will hopefully control the symptoms of that
and help me function better in my day to day life…then there is the damn
tankless water heater that crapped out, even though a new part arrived and installed,
it still refuses to make hot water, so rather than continue to pour money into
a system that may continue to succumb the lime and scale in Casselberry water
it is just time to start over again with a new one. The day was just crappy…then, Jill Darren & Harper came over. They
ordered pizza and Darren continued to work on the hopeless tankless water
heater. It was not the worst day of my,
by far, but even with pizza and family I found my eyes filling with tears that
I would hide, it just felt like my house and my body was beginning to crumble
around me…or maybe it was just the 5th of the month. Even with all of this whining, I do recognize
and appreciate how truly lucky I am.
But at the end of the evening, Harper pulled a book off of
the shelf for me to read. I do not have
any children’s books here (I should)! The book she chose was a photo album because it was covered with brightly colored balloons. So, we looked at and
talked about the pictures. At 3 and a
half, I had no idea what she could or could not understand about death. We all decided not try to explain the complexities of death but to answer her questions if and
when they arrived, but not make a big deal of it. I have not heard her mention or ask. Then last night as we looked at the photos
she put her finger on Skip’s photo and squealed “Granddaddy”. My heart sang…she remembers him! He has not been forgotten!
"Don't You Forget About Me" Lucy O'Byrne
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