Maybe it was not me!!! Maybe it was those around me!!! Maybe it is seeing an end in sight, maybe it is just getting older and hopefully a little smarter, or maybe it just does not matter so much anymore. But I will confess, I think what is bothering most people, and me for a great deal of my life are the really silly things. They were the things that blew smoke up my skirt, frustrating me, making me crazy, that made me afraid or angry… and for the most part just kind of stupid! I am not questioning how REAL those things feel at the time, believe me, I have lived a lifetime doing just that, and every now and again I get dragged back into the bad habit, but I am reminding myself not to spend too much energy on what I might feel is really important now, because I know the time will come when I ask myself, why it bothered me so much. I will also fess up that I still have a list of things that can drive me nuts for no reason…but as they come up, I am beginning to see them through a whole new set of eyes.
I suspect some of my friends and family maybe feeling that I am becoming distant and less able to empathize but the choices just seem to be so much clearer now without the perfunctory obligations to do the “research”.
Quite simply… There seem to be the same 3 distinct and Universal answers to every question.
#1 YES…with all of the commitments and responsibilities knowing that…. yes is a promise, all in, no complaints, show up, follow the instructions, spend the money, follow through your agreements, Yes means no complaining, discussing or fearing something that only I can change. As Nike says….Just do it!
#2 NO…drop it, walk away, “no” means I do not get to drag around my or others “no” (or failures) for the rest of my life. It may or may not impact my life, but I do not want to spend any more of my energy trying to change the feelings or beliefs about it…and I am not so sure I want to waste any of my time and energy having others try to convince me I am wrong (even though I may very well be).
# 3 NEVER MIND I have changed my mind! (Or the “cousin” ….do not really care) I believe there is a time and place that this is totally acceptable IF and only IF I have not spent hours, days, years of my life whining and complaining about a situation that I am not willing or able to do anything to change. it’s over…it’s done.
I do have to remind you….#3 is a dangerous choice and once evoked must be immediately followed by a firm yes or no…Lingering in “Never mind” is dangerous! I know I spent way too much of my life right there, complaining, unwilling and afraid to commit to yes or no!
"All We Are" Matt Nathanson
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