This is my favorite picture of my mother, not just because in my eyes she is so beautiful, but because for years of my life it was the only image of her I got to see. Every summer I looked forward to spending a week with my grandmother and my Pierce family but what I really looked forward to most of all, was seeing this picture of my mother that sat on the top of the corner bookshelf in her living room. It was always in the same place.
There were years I was not allowed to see her ask about her or know whether she was even alive. I was just a little girl. I was told I should not want to know about her, my other siblings did not want to know about their biological parents, why did I? I was told she left me; she did not want me, she did not care for or love me, why should I want to know, see or even love her? I was made to feel bad and ungrateful because I wanted to know and love her. I was reprimanded for asking and eventually was afraid to ask, and that fear quickly turned into guilt that I was not strong enough to ask. Somehow, the sins and the mistakes of my parents became my own shame, for just wanting to know.
This picture at grandmother’s house could take that fear and guilt away, if even for just a little while. I was always more than a happy little girl to see my grandmother but even more so,
to see my own mother’s beautiful image and not feel the shame and guilt of wanting to see and know about her even if just for a little while in the summers. This is that very picture…the picture that could melt my guilt and shame …And on this anniversary I just needed to say….I miss you so much. "There are Places I Remember" The Beatles
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