life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to grieve my losses, to laugh long and hard, and to learn how to live a full magnificent life with heart failure. I am honoring my creativity, and exploring all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say....."Don't talk like that!"


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Saturday, October 6, 2018

...a box of Depends before I go!

The first thing you all need to know is that I am scared to death of heights!  Not long ago I spent a very scary few days on one of the top floors of a downtown hospital recovering from open heart surgery.  It was definitely not a “stress-free” environment as far as I was concerned and my entire focus was to get out of there.   Out of my very high and very huge picture window, I could see most of Orlando and way out to I-Drive.  A great view…unless you are afraid of heights, which meant I stayed on my side of the room, never getting close to that damn window!  From my safe side of the room, I spent quite a bit of time watching this thing turning slowly and muttering to myself….who the hell in their right mind would pay to get on that thing? 

Well today, the answer is me.  In the last few weeks (and I suspect from now on) a good part of this life is going to be about battling fear.  I was coached by my amazing hospice nurse Ed, to not waste my energy fighting the disease (which seems to be what everyone wants me to do) and I will admit, it is frustrating to fight day in and day out and still watch my body losing the war. But I need to live and learn how to make the most of what I have!  This week I decided that fighting this disease is a futile battle, but fighting the fear that surrounds it may not be!  My focus, my battle is to take control of the fear!  And I am beginning by conquering this fear of heights!  

At 7PM this evening I will be in one of those gondolas, just Skip and I, at sunset, medically approved aides, champagne and chocolate, facing down this fear!  Although, I have to admit I may need to pick up a box of Depends...before I go!
"Higher Ground" Stevie Wonder

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