So....Why does it still scare me?

Because I am afraid.  Duh!!

As if it was not horrible enough to be regular afraid of things like…they will laugh at me, my art is not good enough, I am not good enough, I am too short, too fat, too old, not pretty enough….you understand this list could quite easily fill this page!  Oh, but these were just frivolous fears compared to the “Mother of all Fears” that took hold in the last few months.  It is the fear we all have and just will not talk about!  There are all kinds of different variations on this topic but they all dwell down to a similar theme “it might kill me”.  I remember in classes I facilitated, every now and again a creative would confess they were afraid they would die with all of their art, music, words still inside them.  And although it made great sense then, it makes even more sense now for me.  Unfortunately, that reason to move forward ran into another impermeable wall of my own building…just doing it will kill me.   That by merely participating in what I love will somehow impact my health and hasten my demise.  And so…what if it does? Live being who I am or a phony.  Thinking that being a quiet, still, do nothing person will prolong a life that I am not enjoying I will live longer….and the question I have been asking is...why?  I knew early on that I would not exchange quantity for the quality of my life.  So why…having embraced quality of life does it still scare me?

"Black Bird"  The Beatles