it does seem to help....

Here is the good news-bad news…The good news is I rarely have much physical pain.  I mean there is the pain but not the horrible got to have pain meds kind of pain. I am so so incredibly grateful I do not have that kind of pain.

The kind of pain that invades my life is emotional pain.  That is the pain that doctors do not want to see and they never want to talk about, although they know it occurs and are happy to prescribe Prozac the moment you mention it.  I knew early on…medicated and emotionally handcuffed was not how I wanted to do this. Believe me, this is definitely not the easy way, but for me, it is the best way. I want to do this bare-fisted, celebrating fully in my accomplishments, the people and things I love dearly and grieving, too!  I do grieve the life I will not have.  I am learning that, I have to grieve that alone, it is very difficult to find someone that really understands that, and until you have your own future compromised by a terminal disease I think it is a very hard thing to do.  Friends and family that want so badly to help often get caught up in their own pending grief.  It is not their fault, it is just how it is.

I have learned when I focus on today and celebrate the life I have had…. I can just about beat the pain, but I have to accept it too! So, I like spending time alone, I take each day as it comes, push my limits, celebrate my accomplishments, and remind myself daily that I cannot change the past…. and the future cannot hurt me, not right now, anyway…I have things to do.  I think I will always have to acknowledge and accept the pain, it does seem to help.

"If You Could Read My Mind"  Gordon Lightfoot