New Equipment

I have a new piece of equipment….ughhhhh!  Enough already!  According to the Doc and I guess the nurse too,  since they both came to see me yesterday and I never get both of them on the same day, I think they must have suspected I would be coming home with issues. Seems my heart and lungs got a bit backed up while I was in NY, so now I need to suck on a nebulizer to get the meds in me quicker 4 times a day.  Quite frankly this “more equipment” program is getting a bit out of hand!  But whatever happens next, believe me….it was so worth it and I would go to NY again in a heartbeat, the museums and the art was worth it.  I

am hoping that is all of the equipment I will need from here on out

…so bring it on.... I can do it!

"Keep Breathing" Ingrid Michaelson

The New York Museum Trip!

and again.....it may take a moment for the video  to load...                                              

The “awesome-ness” is in the details!

We are staying in a 1903 historic hotel on the Upper West Side designed by noted architect Emery Roth in 1903.  Described as one of the flashiest of its day, the Hotel Belleclaire was once referred to as a skyscraper on Broadway and was first amid the most luxurious buildings in the city. Roth combined Beaux Arts principles with Art Nouveau style that make it worthy of landmark status.

Famous past guests include Mark Twain and Babe Ruth Skip & Cheryl Evans with Cathye Bouis, how much more fantastic could it be?

"Beauty in the World"  Macy Gray

Too good to be true.....

Every now and again I see something that just seems too good to be true, but in moments of sheer desperation I am willing to try anything!  As I continued to monitor the weather for the upcoming NY City Museum trip it became clear that the lovely early spring weather I was hoping for has degraded to a lingering ugly sloppy wet winter.  I am a FL girl….really..I mean really!  I do not nor have I ever owned boots, or any other “serious” winter clothes, but what I realized this week is that winter clothes regardless of how serious they are, take a hell of a lot more room in a suitcase…AUGHHHHH!!!!! I found these packing bags on Amazon.  Bags that seemed to be inspired by the “seal-a-meal” or (because I cannot remember the official name) the “suck-and-store” bags for blankets and pillows that suck all of the air out and shrink them up!  I thought “OMG…please let this work”.  Halleluiah-Halleluiah…it works!  A puffy jacket that would normally take up half the suitcase now only takes up a fraction of the space!  The packed bags with the air sucked put look slightly disgusting, and I am sure the wrinkles may be seriously smashed in there, but that is a problem for another time!  For right now…I will call it “creatively organized” and do the happy dance.  I can get on the plane without paying more for baggage!

"Time of Your Life"  OrtoPilot

WANT to do

This has been going on so long I am not sure what normal is anymore.  I do not remember a time (other than recovering from illness or surgery) that I could not physically do anything I wanted to do.  Now I will confess there were many that laughed when I could not do it as good or as long as I wanted to, but there was no question that I could do it. As I recall…those were the times I was typically accused of being “hard headed”.  That name never bothered me, in fact I kind of wore it like a badge of honor, and it went well with the red hair.  Now I find myself questioning everything I want to do.  Am I strong enough?  Will my passion be enough to keep me going? No doctor ever explained the frustration that would happen between what I want to do and what my heart will allow my body to do…Somewhere in the back of my mind I felt like the more I could do the more I would be liked….

"Try" Colbie Caillat

Scared Shitless....

Nothing used to scare me….well, almost nothing.  I find little fears slipping in between the cracks.  The big “holy crap” health stuff that should scare me are kind of “meh”.  But the little things had me in an out and out panic yesterday!  I had to sit down and have a talk with myself several times. They all started out the same way….What the fuck is wrong with me?  I used to do things like this without a second thought, now I am scared and second guessing myself.  So according to this quote, I am fixing to have a HUGE adventure!

"No Such Thing" John Mayer

Damn.....I Missed it

Damn….my own opening…

well not just my opening, but an opening with my work there.  Not just any work, but the first time a piece of my sculpture was accepted into a juried show.  Although I know it is not a sure thing or a verifiable thing, I am taking this as validation that I am headed in the right direction and this new medium can have some real artistic value… I friggen’ missed it!

Somedays heart failure raises its ugly head and aggressively marches into my life.  It reminds me of a demanding toddler having a tantrum, screaming, stamping its feet and demanding my attention.  For the most part, the best thing I can do is ignore it, knowing that it (the temper tantrum and heart failure symptom) will go away sooner.  But then there are those days,  regardless of how hard I try….it is bigger than I can ignore….and I lose important days of my life.

(barely evident in this pic, my piece is way back there, to the left of the portrait)

"Mad World" Gary Jules

inspiration is waiting for me in the art....

I have the heart and the intuition but I seem to be losing courage and I am definitely short on stamina
….damn….!

I am desperately trying to figure out how to stay busy, how to keep growing, how to be relevant and continue to be a viable contributing human being artist.  That all sounds so ridiculous, which is exactly why it becomes so frustrating especially when I have an idea about what I think I want to do, but my body is chronically saying….no way bitch!  I am really looking forward to teaching again this summer in Casselberry.  Maybe I can figure out some other things I can do…successfully…But in the mean time I am so very excited about seeing all of the museums while on the art and the NY City trip!  Perhaps inspiration is waiting for me, in all of the art I am going to see!

"Don't Give Up"  Herbie Hancock, Pink, John Ledger

....but I just cannot sit back and do nothing....

How do we get to the place where we raise big money, business above people?  How can anyone consider doing away with the arts, humanities, children’s free school lunches, meals on wheels and then reconfigure health care to the point where the ones that really really need it, will not be able to afford it.  How can this be the country I loved and respected all of my life?  How was a president elected that lies, bullies and berates anyone that does not agree with him.  How can senators and congressmen  kowtow and look away from the idea of common sense and common good to “buy” favor and money from big business lobbies. How did we get to this place?  And I wonder if my pathetic resistance does any good at all....but I just cannot sit back and do nothing....

"Put a Little Love in Your Heart"  Jackie DeShannon

The Cheetos are gone....

When I have so so much to be incredibly grateful for, I still continue to feel a sense of loss that will in the least expected moments over take me….and I find myself quietly and embarrassingly crying to myself.  Fear and finances kept me from so much that I really wanted to do with my life and now there is a whole other layer of fear.  Experiencing a body that does not physically support me makes fear and finances seem so silly and small.  I really have not appreciated the gifts I have been given. I should have done so much more!

"Details in the Fabric"  Jason Mraz

Because I am the Nana... and I can!

The absolute cutest bundle of energy and smiles I have ever known! Sweet enough to smile and charm the britches off of anyone, but just enough spice to keep you wondering what she is planning to do next....she is thinking all of the time! She is the reason I can brag all I want to!


"Bubbly" Colbie Caillat

Just live, make mistakes....

I have had a life full of those wonderful memories but I have also had more than my share of colossal mistakes!  I constantly second guess who I am and where I am going.  I try like hooey to accept them (the mistakes) as part of the life lessons that have made me who I am today….but I continue to beat myself up for each and every one of them. I wish that part of me that metabolizes hurt and pain into to real life; character building experiences would hurry up and kick in! "Just live, make mistakes....

"Photographs"  Ed Sheeran

Time to Let Go

It was just an ah-ha, an instant “knowing”  that took root and flew….I knew that this was right!

Not quitting...it is just time to let go and make room for the next one to emerge...time to make certain that Artist's Way keeps going

....but I confess,  

there are tears between the singing.

"No Such Thing" John Mayer

It felt like the other way around....

Sometimes the universe sends you the perfect thing!  I was worried…just how much could I do?  Art shows are known to physically push you physically up to and sometimes over the line.  And it could have easily gone there, but Bobbie Deuell this year’s emerging artist was phenomenal.  Her work was amazing and she knew what to do!  She made it so easy for me, and I was the one that was to help and mentor her.  It felt like the other way around! (I think the hat worked...the oxygen "hickey"is barely seen.....woo-hoo!)


"Shine On"  Eric Bibb

Time for me to "Practice what I Preach!"

OK…today is the day….for something that I so enjoy doing…and I am scared!  Which is really kind of crazy.  I am the one that should be cool calm and collected for the artist I am mentoring who is also scared!  YIKES! The choice is …put on my big girl panties, go in there with a positive attitude, with the expectation that this heart is going to support me and that I am going to have a great time or just give up.  I am so NOT ready to quit….. It is really time for me to come to the plate and practice what I preach!

"All Star"  OrtoPilot

Please, don't let me be misunderstood!

"Listen to understand not to say something in return."  I heard this quote or something close to it quite some time ago ….but yesterday I finally understood what it meant. I rarely post political stuff about my personal feelings, but every now and again I feel I need to take a stand.

My post yesterday was questioning the method used to create the recent health care bill presented by the Senate Republicans. It was seriously lacking research from the people that it would affect the most.  The politicians “selling” the bill touted the concepts and theories based on the opinions of state governors, insurance companies, and other political pundits.  They did not seem to have, or would reveal any research from doctors, hospitals and most of all patients that currently have ACA health care and would have the most relevant experience.

One of the posts  I received, in response was about how to apply for ACA/Florida Blue insurance for $6 a month, even if it was embarrassing.    WHAT? 

The advice was followed by rambling about how she “knows” this because she sat in on a health insurance consultation with a homeless woman and when she had a personal inquiry; her voice mail was full from all of the agents responding to her question.   AGAIN….WHAT?

"Don't Let Me be Misunderstood"  Yusuf/Cat Stevens

I rise....

and again...it takes a few moments for the video to load...YouTube and Blogger are like two dogs meeting for the 57th time.  They still have to sniff each others rear ends to make sure it is ok.
...there are others that can say it so much better than I can... a young and wonderfully sassy Maya Angelou performs her poem...I Rise....

My guiding culinary canon!

3 ingredients…my guiding culinary canon!  I have never made any bones about being a bad cook. And yes….I have tried to cook!  Some seem to think that a creative is naturally creative in all areas….WRONG!  Put me in the studio and I am happy as a clam…but dear Lord, please do not put me in the KITCHEN.  The only place I feel really comfortable in that room is standing in front of the coffee pot ….pouring!

I have held firm to the 3 ingredient rule through 40+ years of child rearing and marriage.  It seems I was to be responsible for the care AND of feeding for all of them.  My (and their) only survival was the 3 ingredient rule!

So…for most of you this is no big deal….but holy crap….for me it is HEEEEE-UGE!  I made a main dish tonight that had 15 (you bet…..I counted them) ingredients and that did not count the salt and pepper which technically would make it 17 ingredients.

Damn those Face Book recipes!  I just do not want anyone to think I am going to make a habit of this….I have a 3 ingredient reputation to maintain!

"You Might Die Trying"  Dave Matthews Band

superhero......

sometimes it is better just to sit down and shut up, because someone else says it so much better.

thank you Elizabeth Gilbert

"Bitch" (acoustic)  Meridith Brooks

It just makes sense!

WARNING…..if you are a offended easily, do not read this post!

I question everything and believe very little of what I am told.  I am one of those "got to figure it out myself based on what makes sense to me".  NudeNite held up a big mirror to me, with the “Confessional” art installation.  Looking at my own ending, I am considering all of the options, just in case I have missed one or there is a better one out there.  Raised as an Episcopalian earlier in life, every church service had a “blanket one size fits all” confession that was required.  The priest absolved us all in mass and then we marched to the alter for bread and wine….“poof”  forgiven....we were good for another week.  Never questioned…just did it…attempting to appear pious and penitent as I turned from the alter to face the congregation returning to the family pew. As I look at the religion that I perhaps have the most experience with, which would be the easiest to step back into, my common sense revolts!  A quick overview screams "WHAT"??? We humans were created by an omnipotent God that included sin, a.k.a. free will, as part of our “original programming”.  Then were kicked out of “the perfect garden of Eden” God created because they exercised the free will he gave them...WHAT?  Later when this entire free will thing just continues to go down hill, he…. that same omnipotent God, impregnates an innocent earth woman to give birth to himself so he can die a horrible death that somehow absolves us from that very same free will/sin and then rises from the dead to go back to where he came from.  All of this is to promote love, kindness, forgiveness?

The one thing most religions seem to have in common is they begin with the well-worn “once upon a time, long long ago, in a land far far away” and include many fairy tale-ish magic, mythical  demons, monsters, and of course an equal compliment of hero good guys. This particular religious story is unbelievably convoluted!  If you repeated a story like this, claiming it happened recently, I suspect they would give you free room and board in the nearest “rubber room”.

My personal dilemma is…why can’t we just love, be good and kind to each other because it is the loving thing to do, it is right and it just feels good? Why don’t religions just teach this? Are all of these complicated nonsense stories necessary to make such a simple point?  Where is the religion that celebrates living a best, most inquisitive,  creative,  exploring, loving, life you can while you can, because when you die…..life is over….that is it.    It's simple, needs no complicated magic, it just makes sense! Live now...live well...love! period.....

"No Sugar-Mother Nature"  Guess Who

magnificent mischief

So here is the tricky part… kindness is a no brainer, no risk, everybody is happy kind of thing, but mischief is a bit more complicated!  There is always some kind of chance that the risk of participating in amazing and magnificent mischief might run the risk of upsetting someone else.  Therefore, mischief is typically a covert operation!  So here is the question…..is getting caught part of that magnificent mischief???

"Bonfire Heart"  James Blount

BUT…..I get to keep doing what I love!

This is a serious love-hate relationship!  Hate having to carry this thing around, Hate having tubes poked up my nose, Hate that for the first time since I have had heart failure that it is obvious ( I could pull off no one knowing before) and just Hate that it is an open obvious reminder that this is beginning to go downhill, and a constant reminder that this disease is marching on with or without my consent.  But I love that it gives me the ability to keep going, and I can still participate (albeit from a rather “edited” point of view).  In the past few weeks I have been able to deliver and participate in Nude Nite, went to St. Pete to see the Frida Kahlo exhibit, delivered art to the Osceloa Art Center for the “Creativa” Exhibit and screwed up my courage enough to continue mentoring at the Leesburg Art Festival next weekend. I love it and I hate it!  BUT…..I get to keep doing what I love!

"Save Myself"  Ed Sheeran

Road Trip!

Kissimmee Road Trip!

Not a big one, but a good one!  Needed to deliver my sculpture that was accepted to the Osceola Arts Center “Creativa” Exhibition today.  I had no idea where I was going, but I had Google Maps talking to me the whole way!  Marilyn (the center visual arts director) took me on a great tour of the center!  I am so so so impressed and so honored to have my work included in this exhibition!  They have a very active performing arts group and theater, 2 wonderful visual arts galleries, class rooms and a children’s performing group with their own theater! It is such an amazing place!  If you ever have the chance to do a road trip and would like to experience live community theater AND fine arts exhibition….this is the place!

"On the Road Again"  Canned Heat

"Oviedo-Winter Springs Life Magazine" Article by Jill Duff- Hoppes

Oh My!  What a wonderful honor.  I am truly overwhelmed!  And I still love "The Artist's Way"!

and quite possibly the worst picture...EVER...taken last August at the end of the Artist's Way Celebration of Creativity!  It was a great night! But it was Aug....FL...I had worked like a crazy woman...danced....drank a little too much champagne...and every stitch of make up I might have been wearing had long since literally dripped off  my face....but oh my it was a very fun night!

Critical Thinking....

That is what they keep telling us and there are days that I think I almost believe it. For the most part I think we are all more alike than any of us want to admit.  I suspect that pretty much the same things scare the crap out of us, but that goes for what makes us happy, also.  There are lots and lots of people that study this, and figure out how to use this information for their benefit.  

Other people (some we do not know or have ever met) begin telling us what we need to be happy, and what situations will make us sad, unproductive, unloved, not cool, losers and in general unsuccessful and we believe them.  They cleverly and covertly convince us that we are not brave enough or smart enough to know what we want or need, or the needs of the many or the poor are so much more important and for the common good. They want me to believe that we do not want the responsibilities, it is too complicated or difficult to make these decisions ourselves….and we trust others to do that pesky thinking for us. This is where we give up our own critical thinking.

There is a huge difference between wants and needs.  I often think that it is the job of big business, and government, to blur that difference.  Make no mistake, the only thing they are interested in is how to separate us from our dollars and/or give them more control and power. I am often accused of being cynical; I like to think of it as critical thinking.  Measuring possible outcomes and recognizing who possibly derives the greatest benefits from them.  Are those outcomes plausible, what will they cost, in the current situation, can they be realistically accomplished and what are the odds?  We all need to put on our critical thinking hats and take our power back!

"Brave" Sara Bareilles

This is it.....

This is the advice I give others on a regular basis….perhaps it is time for me to take another gulp of it myself.  

I seem to wave back and forth from conservative, behaved, do exactly what I am supposed to do (which kind of comes with taking a shit load of medicine at prescribed times) and longing for the bohemian life I used to have (and by the way, never really appreciated). I seem to be living on the edge of fear, rules, and expected behavior always afraid I am going to slip into it.  I do not mean actually fighting the disease, it is pretty amazing all of the machines and medicines I have available to me for that.  The real struggle is to keep my head out of the “I am sick” mentality.  I see others dealing with terminal disease and they seem to be willingly drowning in it.  They let their illness take over their lives.  It is easy to focus on what is wrong, spending precious time, energy and financial resources to try to stop something that is going to happen to every single one of us.  There are absolutely no exceptions.

I am listening to every little whisper; celebrating life…it takes the same amount of energy as fighting the disease, but is so much more fun and I do not want to waste any of it!  This is the magic of life…I am listening…this is it!

"She Just Wants to Dance"  Keb Mo

Sin...Repent...Repeat

As a constant recovering Christian/Episcopalian (and quasi-Catholic by proximity) I do remember Fat Tuesday as a child but as a young adult I realized I got ripped off.  It was never referred to as Mardi-Gras. It was just Fat Tuesday, where we would have a pancake supper in the Parrish Hall then get “ashed” the following day on Ash Wednesday.  It was very solemn, the beginning of Lent, the 40 days Jesus was in the desert, the 40 days before the crucifixion, we were to “give up” something dear to us and of course put extra money in the Lent box for the church, kind of an extra buy out for the  Lenten cheating you knew you would be doing.  In recent years Mardi-Gras has undergone a serious secularization!  I bet if you asked 10 people “what is Mardi-Gras?” they could not tell you that it is the out and out “party hardy” before you had to do the 40 day penance.  One year I opted to give up pantyhose for Lent and found that, it did not seem to make any difference what I gave up and since I did not transgress the pantyhose ban, I was good! No forgiveness or Lenten money box, required. I think they (religion) missed the major component of forgiveness, it comes from within us. You cannot give up something or buy forgiveness.  It is our own willingness to forgive ourselves and ask forgiveness from the ones we hurt. 

I Sin…Repent…Repeat, but I do not need to pay for it, or give anything up.  I forgive, am forgiven and continue to celebrate life and dance with the GrooGrux King (New Orleans slang for something happening, that is cool and amazing)!

"Why I Am"  Dave Matthews Band

In desperate need of connecting....

Frida had not been one of my favorite artists over the years, but when there was an exhibit of her work this close to me, I was compelled to go.  I can say with all honesty that it is not her art that I am most attracted to.  In fact as far as most surrealism goes, I am just not a big fan.  It is a personal taste I suspect.  But what I do admire and covet about Frida, is her “not quitting”.  Through polio, a life altering bus accident that sent a metal bar completely through her body, and multiple miscarriages as a result of those injuries…..she kept painting, kept living, smoking, drinking, dancing, and making love.  She kept on with her life, ALL of her life and made it mean something.  She never let the calamities of her body alter her life’s purpose.  I think, and she actually said as much, that she was able to live two Frida’s.  The first Frida “creative” was an artist that had no boundaries. The second Frida  lived a life that most would find outrageous, irreverent, reckless, immoral and the list goes on and on if you look at her behavior from a religious and political point of view. But from life's point of view it was always full and passionate. I suspect when she died at 47 the only thing she really wanted was to have a child, but I felt after seeing her work that, even  though childless, she died without regret. 

To spend the day with some of her work and drink in her story was inspiring to me on so many levels! To finish that day by sitting on a 2^nd floor balcony with beer in hand, overlooking the Tampa Bay and the skyline bridge way off in the distance, and all of the life happening on the water was amazing.  It was perhaps one of the most inspirational weekends of my life!  I still dearly miss that gypsy part of me that loves to travel to strange places (the art festivals) only to be surrounded by incredible art and the bohemian life of an artist.  Thank you Frida, I owe you a big one! Life and my heart have physically and emotionally drained me.  I was in desperate need of connecting back to my spirit, my artist.  Your painful creations, your fearless and passionate life are truly my inspiration!

"Sitting on the Dock of the Bay"  Otis Redding

You might want to stand back, just a little bit....

I do not think there is a person alive that has not been through incredible amounts of hell. Some came through it and beat the odds while others are defeated. We have all had both of these situations. I suspect some have been through hell and have learned how to metabolize that pain and loss as fuel can keep living life to the very fullest. They do not give in to the grief, anger or sorrow. They do not expect “soap opera” drama nor do they engage with the negativity. We just keep moving forward with life, one small step at a time….celebrating all of the joy I can get my hands on! So maybe you do not need to “fear” me but if you see me look into a fire and smile, you might want to stand back, just a little bit!


"Arms Around my Life"  Janis Ian

Yay!!!! the music & video links are back up and working! Thank You "OPEN DRIVE" cloud storage techs!

Expletives are going to fly!

It sure can’t hurt!  Running up on more things than I thought I would ever have at one time that I feel like I have no power over.  And yes, yes, yes I know….I cannot control anything or anyone else….I can only control how I feel. That all sounds so beautifully calm and sappy, but the reality is sometimes I have NO control!  PERIOD!  I do not want to control how I feel I just want to cuss like a sailor and kick something!  I am pretty sure it will not help one damn thing….but I am just as sure that I will feel better!

Just draw a thought bubble over my head then stand back, the expletives are going to fly!

"F#*k it"  Chris Trapper

"Wanded" is a verb....

Had my first official run in with a metal detector!   Last night was an honest to goodness, airport-ish metal detector at the Colin Hay Concert at the Plaza Live theater.  The metal detectors must have been an addition since the shooting there last year! Yikes….when it was  my  turn, I quietly leaned over and explained the “purse-checking” lady that

I have an SICD and she called over to the “wand” lady.  She had me to put my hand over the defibrillator and she wanded the rest of me….It was easy, no big deal!  No questions asked, and much less dramatic than I had imagined.  I feel like I am ready for the airport next month!


"Overkill" Colin Hay

Wonderful places...

This used to be a difficult concept for me, but for the first time I am really getting it!  There is truly no reason to try to manage the future, and to be quite frank, all of my past attempts have been miserable failures! Why did I keep trying to do it? It feels so good to stop thinking, it feels so good to just go where my heart takes me….and oh my…… I am going wonderful places!


"This Time"  Jonathan Rhys Meyers

...and that scares a lot of people....

Yep…we know what the expectations are!

Sometimes being called overly sensitive, or thinking too much may have nothing to do with any of this.  I suspect highly sensitive people feel the same feelings that everyone has but most are just afraid to have. And then on top of having the feelings, we work to understand them and then we often have the need to tell you about them.  And that scares a lot of people!

"Who Says"  John Mayer

The thing about annual events....

Hanging up another lanyard and thinking about how honored and how much “holy crap” fun it has been to be a part of Nude Nite  this year and for the past 5 years. It was one of my early on “Bucket List” wishes. The thing about “annual” events (birthdays, holidays, etc…) is that when they are over, I begin asking myself….is this my last one. This year’s events seem to be a bit more emotionally charged…

"Save Me"  Goyte

Take a Walk on the Wild Side!

and.....give it a moment or two to load...YIKES!

This "NORMAL" you speak of

And every attempt I have ever made to be that way has ended in me feeling really awful about myself.  So I just need to quit doing it.  Every now and again, when I have the opportunity to step out of expectations and just revel in the moment it is amazing.  When I truly embrace the NOW, forgetting what happened yesterday, not worrying about what will happen tomorrow, just being in the joy of the art and creating I feel terrific, unstoppable, free and not sick.  When you get entrenched in the medical world of measuring, where there is a clear and defined normal, being in a place and around people that defy normal…..That is when I feel so good! 

That is the MAGIC and it is anything BUT normal!

"Can't Stop the Feeling"  Justin Timerlake

She is not Afraid!

I LOVE Nude nites!

The art is always amazing, and it is again this year….and maybe even more this time.  It is absolutely incredible to see one subject interpreted in so many different, talented, awe inspiring ways!  So fun and so honored to be a part of it again this year!

And yes….that is oxygen on my face.  The first time I have worn it in public.  Had a great sweater wrap so the portable tank could not be seen,,,but the crap on my face, is kind of just there. I was there for an hour and half, drank wine, admired ALL of the work and of course talked, giggled and gossiped all the way ….never coughed once or ran out of air.  Its ugly…it feels funny, I don’t like it…but I think it works. .  As much as I hate….hate….hated it…It really made me feel great, like the old me.  

"She is Not Afraid"  One Direction

But...when I turn on the TV...

I know I promised I would be better, but when I turn on the TV and find out....

#1  If you are mentally impaired so severely that you are receiving social security and deemed unable to manage your own finances…GOOD NEWS…you can now legally purchase guns. Did Sandy Hook or Pulse mean anything?  

#2  "Leaking” the truth is illegal and will be prosecuted, but the National Security Adviser lying to White House is SAD, caused by FAKE media.

I just cannot be silent.  I do not want anyone anywhere to ever think that my being silent, well behaved, lady like, polite means I am OK with this.

What the hell is wrong with this GOVERNMENT?  #45 is a self-serving narcissist!

AND IF THAT WAS NOT ENOUGH...THEN...THERE WAS A  PRESS CONFERENCE

Running out of socks to throw at him on the TV may have to go dig out the dirty ones... damn.... I should have thrown those first!

"Liar Liar"  The Castaways

If you ask me…(and I assure you, no one has)

...this passion is the secret to life!

Looking back I can say with all certainty, if I did not love what I did I cannot imagine how my life would have looked.  For most of my life….I have worked like a crazy person, always more than 40 hours a week, rarely getting paid enough (if at all) no paid holidays, no weekends off,  no health insurance or 401K benefits.  And still I did it, reveled in it and would not have considered trading one minute, to work for something/anything I was not passionate about.  I am not grieving about the lack of commercial, financial success I have not had, I am celebrating and grateful for the people and the circumstances that have allowed me to follow a life that has and continues to be full of passion! And even now, with all that is going on, I can still do what I love doing!  Thank you I am so very grateful!

"You have Lived"  Don McLean

Really going to happen!

Docs have given me the "OK to GO", getting me a portable O2 concentrator! Flight itinerary set, tickets purchased, hotel reservations made….this is really going to happen! A full week of drinking in and celebrating art created by some of the world’s masters.  Tickled to be staying in the upper West Side 2 blocks from Central Park close to some of the greatest museums….out of the hub-bub and in the neighborhoods! Picasso…here I come!

"59th St. Bridge, Feeling Groovy"  Simon & Garfunkle

"Say What You Need to Say"

The “girls” are on their own, now!  They are officially delivered, and are among some of the most spectacular works!  I am always overwhelmed to have the opportunity to be in the company of so many incredibly talented artists. 

I love that after I had chosen to do a piece honoring all of the women that marched in Washington and around the country that they titled the show “Revolution”  I really like how it fits together.

"Say What You Need to Say"  John Mayer

Delivery day.....

Delivery days are heinous!  I suspect  most of the world thinks that artist’s delivering their work for an exhibition should be a wonderful exciting thing….and yes there is an element of exciting but….holy crap…most of all it is just plain scary as hell!  When it comes to delivery days….every single bit of  “I got my shit together” attitude goes right down the toilet…..in a single flush.

The best way to describe it, is like being a 13 year old girl again on the first day of a new school. The only difference is, it is about the art I created rather than the dress I chose to wear!  As a 13 year old I am hoping that dress will help me feel like I fit in and am good enough. It feels like the room is “judging” me by the image I am delivering.  All of the sudden that image that felt really good in the studio is now triggering a zillion  “who do you think you are” nerve endings!  And opening night…it will only get worse!

"Fear"  Jazmine Sullivan

Is it live...

or is it memorex….…..or is it just fear. 

It is hard to know sometimes what this body is or is not going to do. It does not seem to be my body anymore. It operates totally independent of my wants, needs and wishes…. and that is the one of most difficult parts of this!  It is the question I ask myself each time I want to do something and I am not so sure (or am afraid) that I will not be able to.  So rather than risk failure or worse “pay” for it with absolute inability to do anything for the next day or so. I find myself “conserving energy” or at least that seems to be the acceptable medical explanation for giving up, making tradeoffs and deciding what are the things that I really want to accomplish.  Is it giving up…giving in...or is it just fear?

"You Can't Rush....."  Trevor Hall

authenticity....

I need to remember this and read it to myself....every day!

"Who Cares"  John Mayer

OK....

When I finally decided to let go, I find that I am at more peace than I thought would be possible, and life seems to be moving at such a fast pace.  It could be that it is just a short period that things happen quickly like they do in all of our lives, but I thought it was worth paying attention to, especially since I am fairly used to things going “not so great” and I am in constant “stamp out the fires” mode.  I have had so many amazing and spectacular things happen in the last couple of months, that it is really hard to get used to.  I know that most people think that this is the part of our lives that we should be the LEAST ok, On some level I think that is what I expected, too.  But that is not how it seems to be happening, at least for now.  So it is definitely worth paying attention to.  Just being OK is really a wonderful thing!

"Details in the Fabric"  Jason Mraz

Just in case....

You had not already noticed....         

"More o' That"  Eric Bibb

Burning bridges....

I have to confess, that I have felt guilty for “unfriending” and burning bridges" with many politically militant FB friends.  The rhetoric kept getting more frequent, more combative, less factual and just plain hateful. At a certain point I would AX them and then feel guilty that perhaps I was editing my friends to only include those that agree with me.  And now,  I have decided it is ok, even more than ok!  There is a huge difference between an open honest discussion, sharing ideas and a blatant, often unfounded, confrontational or untruthful name calling that does nothing more than facilitate rude negativity. I prefer to form my own opinions, based on positivity, fruitful discussions and facts.  So yes….I have burned a few bridges, and will continue to do so.

"They Know"  Eric Bibb

Hard decisions....

Hard decisions that I never ever wanted to make have reared their ugly heads and I have had to face them. The Artist’s Way has been such a part of me and who I am for so long, letting go of any part of it feels like what I imagine losing a dear friend might be.  Instead of being delightfully grateful for the time and energy to facilitate the Leesburg Artist’s Way for the past 4 years, I find myself spending more time mourning the loss. But you all have to know that my time in Leesburg was more than just the Artist's Way, it was and will always be a magical healing time for me, that I desperately needed, and for that I am incredibly grateful!

With even more gratitude, I will facilitate the Artist’s Way in Casselberry for another summer, and for that I am wholly and wonderfully grateful for the opportunity and the energy!

"Hold on My Heart"  Phil Collins

Just one more thing….

Then I promise (well... kind of) 
no more politics

This came across my Face Book page from a fellow artist FB friend, Barbara Verchot and I felt like it was worth repeating.

This is her advice…..and I am going to take it!

1. Don't use his name. (I refer to him as #45.)

2. Remember this is a regime and he's not acting alone.

3. Do not argue with those who support him--it doesn't work.

4. Focus on his policies, not his orange-ness and mental state.

5. Keep your message positive; they want the country to be angry and fearful because this is the soil from which their darkest policies will grow.

6. No more helpless/hopeless talk.

7. Support artists and the arts - especially the ones speaking for all of us.

8. Be careful not to spread fake news. Check it before you share it.

9. Take care of yourselves.

10. Resist!

 
"Peace be Upon us" Sheryl Crow

Worth it.....

This weekend was yet another glaring example of the now president’s complete and incredible lack of experience, diplomacy, taste, and respect for the law of this country and it’s people.  It is clear this man has NEVER been a public servant. The only person he has ever served is himself and I have seen nothing in his behavior that suggests any indication of this changing….

But we have to do more than complain on FB or, my personal favorite, throw rolled up socks at the TV when he is on it.  We need to make phone calls, write post cards or letters….sign petitions (although it is generally known they are the least persuasive of political things to do).  Join a peaceful resistance movement, demonstrate, or support those that are demonstrating.  Do anything and everything you can lawfully do to express your beliefs.

My best advice is to know and understand how, what and why you feel the way you do.  Be sure they are your feelings, not the feelings of your friends, family, TV networks or reporter/journalist.  Know and believe wholeheartedly in your convictions because it is almost guaranteed those beliefs will draw actual anger from some and risk the loss of passionate acquaintances friends and family.

shine your heart, your life like a light...it is worth it……

and for me, my heart, my beliefs, my feelings and my voice…. they are worth it!

"Let it Be Me"  Indigo Girls

Perfect Sense....

Wish I could explain why art makes my life so much better, it just does!  I got official clearance (with a little additional equipment) from the hospice Doc to go to New York and soak in all the art my heart can handle.  And so we are!  Part of me is scared to death, I have been so “tied” down to this area because they had access to my medical records,  they accepted my insurance, had the facilities to attend to an S-ICD and quite frankly and honestly I was just afraid.  The original attack happened out of town and it was horrible, not for me, well I take that back it was pretty raunchy for me, but for friends and family that wanted to be there with me.  But letting go has brought me such a sense of freedom!  So yes, my pragmatic logical mind is scared to death, there is a little voice screaming in the back of my head “what are you thinking?”, “you might NEED that money later on!”, “do you really think this is a smart thing for you to be doing?”  And then my heart answers, how can you not go, and be surrounded with amazing art in spectacular museums and galleries and  if not now…..when?  I do not much care for the typical touristy things.  I am taking my heart to revel in the art and all of the sudden that goofy saying marketing slogan…I HEART NY makes perfect sense.

"Doing the Things that We Want To"  Lou Reed