Packing up my art for an art show! What I used to be able to do in a matter of hours, now takes me days…but I can still do it! The hardest parts of heart failure are not the symptoms or the drug side effects. The hardest parts are the internal battles between wanting help but thinking I shouldn’t need it, between knowing it’s out of my control and shaming myself for not controlling it.The worst symptom of heart failure is guilt.
I know I overdo it and “tough it out” to avoid being that burden. It is the choice I make. To a certain extent. I am learning how to schedule and arrange life so I can continue to keep doing it by myself. I understand that the only person I’m burdening is me but I would like everyone to understand that I want and need to do this alone. When I do have good days…and I do have them…I want to accomplish as much as I can because I do not know when I will get another one! I need to do it by myself while I can. I like doing it alone and I will know when I cannot do it anymore....but not now....not now!
"The Life I Know" India Arie
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