The updated umbrella effect

It is early early morning 6:00 AM to be specific, hurricane Matthew's eye wall is about 70-80 miles from us and so is the wind speed outside, But...amazingly the power is still on!  That means COFFEE!  Woo-Hoo!  That is so exciting!  It is pouring rain and there are some really squally wind gusts.  Apparently an overnight update has the eye of the storm a little further east; perhaps my “turn that hurricane” dance did have some effect.  Or it may be some of what I call the “umbrella effect”….if I have an umbrella with me it probably will not rain. Rain and nasty weather are most likely to happen when I am least prepared. And since I have a generator…maybe we will not lose power.

Here comes an adventure!

Here comes an adventure! Some of it blowing in from the Atlantic another blowing in from my heart!  Both will bring their own set of adventure, either way I am gratefully ready for the challenges and the lessons that will come

….and I know in my heart I will be a much better person for having the experience!

"Connected"  Eric Bibb

until I get it right....

I think it is time for that ONE….. perception, thought, surrender, change, and leap.  It is just time to stop being afraid, stop thinking about what others think, stop following their rules.  It is time to experience everything life has offered me!  

And yes you have heard this rant from me before.... I am going to keep doing it until I get it right!

"She is Not Afraid"  One Directions

well crap.....

Well Crap, the official morning news called this “a long duration wind event”...REALLY????  And according to our “doom and gloom” weather forecaster we can expect winds up to 77+mph.  Are you kidding me”???  This is going to be a mess! At this point projections will have the eye of the storm riding up the coast and will be approximately 75 miles away from us at its closet point. I am doing my little happy gratitude thoughts this morning.  I am grateful I do not live on the coast, I am grateful that we will be on the “good” side of the storm, I am grateful that I live in a concrete block house, I am grateful the homeowners insurance is current…. I am grateful… I am grateful … but in mean time I am doing the official “turn the hurricane” dance while preparing to live without power for a while and stocking up a few extra bottles....I think this may be a hurricane party situation!

"Summer Breeze" Jason Mraz

no particular virtue....

I am not certain I could say this any better!  What I do know is, without fail, every time I have screwed up my courage and approached any life situation from a non-traditional point of view, I have not regretted it.  I understand there maybe merit in doing things the way they have always been done, but I have found more growth, joy and inspiration for living by doing it my (aka the wrong) way!

"Nobody Ever Told You"  Carrie Underwood

one of those days.....

It is that time of year…when memories flood into my heart, then spill out through my eyes.  I still think every 8 PM phone call, must be Mom…(that was typically after the second or third glass of wine….she is my mother after all!) I remember getting frustrated with her, rolling my eyes over the phone, sure she somehow, someway could see me do it.  And then after a few moments of exasperation I would tell myself be in the moment, enjoy, laugh  and  remember that one day I will wish with all of my heart I could do just this..... Today is one of those days.


"Alone Again"  Gilbert O'Sullivan

...and it is ok

Some of my secrets are still unknown to me, some are.  I can feel them gathering and I do not know why.  

They are my own private stash of wishes, memories, realities and fantasies.  Some I have debuted and shared, others I have not, but maybe that was not the point.  

Maybe the only thing my secrets want me to do…. need to do is reveal themselves to me, acknowledge they are there, or choose whether or not to participate in them.  

The only thing I have to do is have the courage to admit that I have secrets and that it is ok.

"The Story of Your Life"  Matthew West

A Faulty Equation....

CAUTION....Dangerous whining ahead! 

Most of the frustration of long term terminal situation is NOT dealing with the disease; it is trying to handle the business.  Yesterday’s mail sent me another two reminders that it is not about me or life, it is about the money.  Number 1 was a statement from last year’s insurance company (the one that canceled all Florida customers) paying the doctors’ bills from Aug. 2015 thru Dec. 2015, the very same bills that I had been turned over to an ugly aggressive collection agency for. Number 2 was a notice that my current insurance Humana, will no longer be available to me, which means for the 3^rd consecutive year I will have to find another insurance company, via AHC.  The biggest part of this is not struggling with the physical complications of the disease, it is the economic hardship it has created for my family and the gross amount of life and energy  I spend desperately trying to convince myself that I am worth it.

"We Don't Care" Eric Bibb

But wait....

Some of my thoughts are totally and wholly rude, irresponsible and cheeky.  But I have them and I suspect the rest of you do too.  It could be that the only difference between me and the “holier than thou, I am better than you” people could be this one  thing.  Maybe I am not a bad person for having the tacky “thought bubble” but might qualify as one of the good people by simply keeping my mouth shut.  But wait…..doesn’t that come with a boat load of its own problems?

"Something to Talk About"  Bonnie Raite

if I am really lucky...

If I am really lucky, maybe someone in my life time will understand who, what or why I am.  But if not,  I need to learn how to be strong enough to be ok with myself  and move forward anyway.  In the past my entire life and every decision was made with the purpose of being liked and by making others happy.  It was not always good for me.  I do not want to feel or sound selfish, but I may be running out of time, and I need to figure this out.  I might be wrong, I might end up being a giant failure, but I have to find out.

"Another Train"  The Poozies

I wonder if in the quiet hours if you look in on me.  I wonder if you miss me.  I wonder if you know, if you will ever really know how much I miss you.

May I have a little more courage...please?

Today is first day of class day and I am patiently waiting for my courage and self-confidence to kick in.  EVERY first day of class I wait for it to arrive.  And every first day, regardless of how many times I have done this or how confident I am about the material,  I am still scared shitless and nervous. I wonder if I will ever truly believe that doing this, doing what I love is just not too good to be true and may blow up in my face any moment now.  And then I realize doing anything else would be dangerously close to normal.  This takes so much courage and commitment but it gives back so much more.  More than I can possibly explain and always always  always  worth it!

"Digging for Your Dream"  Indigo Girls

Build a Wall Here....

I know ..I know...I promised myself I wouldn't but....

In addition to, rude interruptions, an inability to focus on the topic, unprepared rhetoric,  and this does not even address the arrogant rudeness, not paying taxes because he is smart and a host of other egregious statements,  he seems to have an interesting command of the English language when he used  words like "bigly" and “semi-exact”.

(Semi- is a Latin prefix to a verb, noun, or adjective meaning "half" and Exact-marked by strict and particular and complete accordance with fact......WHAT?????)

Yep, we need a wall….but not on the Mexican border!

Forward to what?

I am feeling an awful lot of “you’re always in the same place” lately.  Yes, I am teaching and I love it.  Yes, I am creating in the studio (should be doing more in there) but there is still a feeling of malaise.  Perhaps it is nothing more than my annual “OMG” when will this heat be over end of summer fatigue. There seems to be a feeling of dissatisfaction hanging around me like a cloud. It is time for me to ask the questions and go forward, I just got to figure out what questions and forward to what! Holy Crap!

"Where are You Going"  Dave Matthews Band

Messy, complicated and afraid...

…..but I need to add just a little more to this quote to make it applicable to me.  It does not  seem to matter what my intentions are, the messy, the complicated and the fear always slip in!  Sometimes my difficulties arrive by my own ignorant invitation, other times not by choice at all. They just arrive, demanding my attention! I am learning that simply showing up can sometimes be as horribly damaging and dangerous as not showing up at all.

I have no problem showing up, the challenge is showing up knowing what I need to express and how to do so clearly, showing up focused, confident and kindhearted. 

No matter how I look at it, honoring others, while maintaining my own honor is ….messy, complicated and for me, filled with fear.

"Shine On"  Eric Bibb

The Big Girl Panties have Fallen Down....

There are days when I just have to say enough is enough!  And today is looking like one of those days.  There have been several days strung together where my body has just plain crapped out on me.  Exhausted, home bound and just plain sick and tired of being sick and tired…. I now publicly and officially declare I have had enough….it is time to get on with it. The Big Girl Panties have fallen down, it is time for me  grab some life and shake it up a bit!

"Hold on I'm Coming"    Sam & Dave

Sometimes I find beauty, sometimes not....

It is not that I always want to break the rules, but I do question all of them.

I am reminded of the story of the family dinner where mother and daughter are in the kitchen feverishly preparing a family dinner.  The mother instructs the daughter to trim the bottom of the ham before putting it in the pan and then the oven.  The daughter asks her mother “Why do we cut the bottom off of the ham?”  The mother responded “because that is just the way it is done, it is how my mother taught me, and now I am teaching you”.  The daughter still questioning the explanation her mother gave her, called her grandmother to ask “Why do we cut the bottom off of the ham?”  The grandmother quickly answers “so the ham would fit into my pan”.

It makes me wonder how much I am missing so my life fits in someone else’s pan.  So I ask the questions, and I break the rules.  Sometimes I find beauty, sometimes not.

"What a Fool Believes"  Doobie Brothers

Right Way?

What if the right way isn’t the right way for everyone?  What if my idea of success is different?  What if my way of looking at things makes more sense to me than it does to the rest of the world or even my friends and family?  

What then?  What then?  Do I automatically become a bad person, a weird person, a little left of center person?

I can’t find the right way…but  even I will confess…I am not looking for it any more.

"You Will Never Know Me"  Rachel Robinson

stretch....

I want the new experience….it is the never can go back that scares the be-jesus out of me!  For the most part I need to admit to myself that I would not be seeking a new experience, whether creative or personal if my soul was not craving it on some level.  I know deep down on some unspoken level that growth will never happen inside my comfort zone, but there it is….my comfort zone.  The place where nothing is challenged, where I am assured I am safe, where there is no argument or dissent.  I have spent a life time making sure everyone else was stable, sheltered, secure and happy!  And there it is the wretched “happy place” where my role was clearly defined.  The place  I refused to move beyond .  It is time to stretch, before it is just plain too late!

"If You Could Read my Mind"  Gordon Lightfoot

It's a Beatles thing!  You may or may not have noticed that the last few posts had Beatles songs.  So at the risk of sounding like a commercial....I did see Ron Howards new documentary about the early years and touring of  the Beatles "Eight Days a Week".  As a teenager I loved the music and have continued to love their music without having any idea what, how much and when things were happening behind the scenes.  This was truly interesting!  So once again I have been bitten by the music of the Beatles.  psssst.....it is streaming now on HULU.

What makes the difference?

I think in the life of a creative, “make a difference” comes with an understood “screw up royally and regularly” clause attached.  Surely that has to be a part of making a difference!  I know, in fact I teach creatives that imploding, morally, emotionally and/or financially is not a predestined requisite of being an artist, but when I look back on the most flamboyant….. those are typically the artists we remember.  Is that expectation created by the artists or the audiences?  Was it their unique  art work, their eccentric lifestyle or their ability to break rules  that gives them that ability to not care what other think that is truly responsible for them making a difference? And  specifically what is it that makes a difference?

"Got to Get you in my Life" The Beatles

This Failure Thing.....

Oh thank God….the Universe…Allah…Buddha…and/or the great Poo-bah!  Because I got this failure thing working for me! I must be gearing up for some serious innovation and creativity!


"I'm a Loser"  The Beatles

Unimaginable AMAZING possibilities.....

I cannot begin to imagine what lies ahead of me, I do not think any of us can know for certain from one day to the next.  I just want to know for all of the fear I have for the future that there will be equal amounts of joy!  If there is a divine balance, and I believe there is…..this is just how it will be.  So I continue to keep my heart and life open to all of the unimaginable amazing possibilities!

"Blackbird"  The Beatles

Inspiration ain't always easy!

And…the secret to this is simply being brave enough to try, smart enough figure out if it is right or wrong for me and strong enough to make a decision and suffer the consequences or all of the magnificent advantages.  Inspiration ain’t always easy!


"Arms Around my Life"  Janis Ian

I am strong enough....

I do not have to respond to every request, demand, offer or bidding. If it does not feel right, if it makes me uneasy I need to be strong enough to listen to me heart and strong enough to do what is right for me.  It should not matter that is what someone else wants me to do.  I am the only one that has to answer to me and I do not ever want to have regrets.  I am strong enough to say no.

      "No-No-No"    Paulo Nutini

slightly...

And I am beginning to suspect this might be one of the big secrets of life.  We are conditioned from birth to fit in and follow the rules.  We are told that true happiness and greatness only happens to those that are perfectly behaved, socially, financially, and religiously.  That is what they tell you, but when I truly see the people I admire the most, there is one common element.  Each and every one of them, without exception did the most amazing things enigmatically. 

I think the defining word here is “slightly”.  Slightly bending the rules, slightly out of step, slightly off color seems to be acceptable for others.  Slightly strange appears to be tolerable and comfortable for them.  All I have to do is reign in my strange, to “slightly” and I can maintain the image others expect.  Yep, I think slightly strange might just be my happy median.  The world might not be amazing as full out creatively strange, but slightly strange feels like a good first step!

"Strangers like Me"  Phil Collins

and it's Okay.....

I am not so sure it is okay for the people that know and love me.

All I can tell you for sure is that from the bottom of my heart I am trying. With all that I have and all that I am …… I am trying to figure out how to live.  And the only thing I am sure of is… I am doing it wrong!  There are no manuals, no top ten lists, no creative critiques to let me know if I am even close to doing this right the right way.  I am just fumbling through!

I feel like I am off balance, a huge failure, and unworthy of others valuable time.  In that dangerous vacuum, the doctors slip in.  In my desperate search for normalcy, they appear to have all of the magic answers, and out of fear I allow them too. 

When the reality is… I truly need to embrace that I am worthy, balanced  and intelligent enough to find the right answers…… for me.

 
"Look What You've Done"  Bread

Fix me....

Some of this lousy self-expression and contemplation blog turned over a vulgar bit of my own behavior. As much as I hate it, there is no denying that it exists and that I have knowingly contributed to it.  I have never actively participated in “breaking others” but I have without question talked about other’s frustration and grief as a way to bolster my “thank goodness….it is not just me….I am not the only one whose life sucks” sick way of feeling better about myself.  I am guilty of parlaying another’s pain into a topic of conversation when my own grief and heartache was just too much for me to talk about. I had no idea how low I would stoop to feel better.  I am embarrassed and ashamed of myself.

"Walk the Walk"  Eric Bibb

one day....

one day has come…..Not only have I seen the benefit of letting go, but I am finding peace, love and gratitude in the remembering.

"In My Mind"  Amanda Palmer

The things worth saying...

Yes…I am.  I think maybe we all are.  I say what I think others want to hear, continually editing my words to fit the people I am around.  I do not want to offend, I want them to like me.

Then there are a precious few that I can say anything to. I can share how I feel, what I think and they never seem judge me by my words. They are the very few that seem to see past my words and look into my heart.  They allow me to say the things I think are worth saying and I am so grateful!

"Strip Me"  Natasha Bedingfield

I still do that...

When I was a kid...

 I was afraid of everything.  

As a young adult…

I was not afraid of anything.

Now... I have reverted back to being afraid, 

I do not want to be afraid any more.

"They"  Jem

More amazing things....

Yesterday took every ounce of energy I had just to maintain a minuscule amount of normal!  I think that is what frustrates me the most.  Normal should NOT require more energy it should just be, you know “ehhhh”.  Normal is how I have fooled so many for so long!  I did so much in the past, that now I could do normal without breaking a sweat!  I leaned on my past creative accomplishments as a crutch that allowed me to just show up for life with “normal” and no one seemed to notice.  What the fuck happens to me when normal becomes too hard ....  I want to do more amazing things!

"Waiting for my Real Life to Begin" Colin Hays

but...I'm Tired....

I had no idea exactly how long it would take me, but I was always pretty sure with time and energy I could do it.  My heart is screaming this morning, you are out of both, bitch!  You have screwed around, wasted life, and now the only thing you can take over, is your own life and your feelings…Perhaps... that was all I was supposed to do anyway.  Even that is much harder than I expected, and I am still so tired.

"Defying Gravity" Lea Michelle

Perfectionism is toxic for me!

How much longer do I have to fight this demon?   

Perfectionism keeps me operating from a place of shame and not good enough.  My perfectionism is the product of an unseen deity and/or corporate entities that ask me to conform to their beliefs of good and bad.  And if I don’t, I am to to beg for forgiveness and make the appropriate correction  for them to either reward me or withhold their benefits (real or imagined) to punish me and control me.  I see no creativity in perfect.

"Black Bird" The Beatles

you deserve....

This came across my FB page this eve, and once again reminded me why I am captivated with Frida....

She knew what her body was and was not doing to her and she kept on anyway.  She painted, had her loves, drank, smoked, painted and participated in life that she wanted... no that she deserved!  She worked hard and endured so much, she reminds me that it can be done!

When I read this quote, I felt like she was screaming at me!

"more o that"  Eric Bibb

That Place....

That does not really mean I am not doing anything…I will be doing lots, but it will be in the studio.  I have a project that seemed like it was such a great idea, but as I get into it that certainty seems to be fading and the fear of “what will other people think” is slipping into my head.  I need to find that place in my head and my heart, where the excitement is.  That place where it does not matter what anybody thinks about what I am making.  Neither of those places requires pants or a bra!

"There are Places I Remember"  The Beatles

DaVinci's Workshop...Burning Man & Me...

Burning Man with this years theme DaVinci's workshop has a 24/7 live video feed and I have been like a ravenous voyeur all week long watching the creatives, the costumes, the art and their artistic expressions of life. It is more than a little embarrassing and totally weird.

I know for the most part, “regular” people will not understand why I am so “ate up” with the Burning Man Festival especially since I have never been there.

 If you are scratching your head…so am I!  

The short 411 is Burning Man is art installation amusement park with over 60,000 people that come and camp for a week, then burn an effigy of “the man” at the end.  Oh…did I mention all of this is constructed and done in the middle of a desert in Nevada with absolutely NO amenities, almost biblical in proportion and spirituality.  Heat and cold, extreme dust, camping, port-a-potties,  etc. are not anything I would ever be attracted to, but here I sit, watching and drooling at a TV screen.

After some thought, I suspect what excites me is the “tribe” mentality.  As an artist there are a host of self-help books and programs that describe artists as a tribe, and I truly feel and understand that, but as a creativity facilitator, I find it difficult to find my tribe and then keep them united.  That may be the fatal flaw.  Every group I have facilitated becomes like a family, we share something spectacular and spiritual that can never be repeated or duplicated again, as much as we all would like to.   Life’s responsibilities crash in and we go our separate ways and back to our individual lives.  We will see each other again, recognize the bond,  experience a fleeting moment of our creative “tribe” and then move on with our own creative lives.

Burning Man guarantees me that I am part of a much much bigger tribe of creatives, and that it is ok to have a magnificent spiritual experience but when it is over, it is over never to be repeated or recovered.   It is absolutely ridiculous to try. (Now all of the burning makes perfect sense!)It is all about being in the now, surrounded with creativity and that sings to my heart, it resonates with me perfectly.  So, I will watch Burning Man 2016’s live feed and drool for one last day of the festival.

"Connected"  Eric Bibb
wanna see more about Burning Man??
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1IMW8ctcFY 

empathy

I still have so much to do with this piece, sanding, shaping, sealing, building frame, stretching canvas, gesso, mounting on pedestals and mounting again on the canvas, basically all I have done is sculpt the figures, but the “girls” have already found their voices.....

 and they are screaming empathy.

"All We Are"   Matt Nathanson

What I Choose to Show

I know that sounds really condescending and maybe it is, but that is not my original intent.  I suspect all of us are all doing what we need to do to survive.  But there will be parts of my life that I choose to not show others because quite frankly, it would just leave me way too vulnerable.  So if there comes a time that you do not understand some of my choices and/or actions please do not worry, there is a good chance you do not know all of me….there are brittle parts I choose not to show.

"Galileo"  Indigo Girls

The Most Vulnerable Thing I Have Ever Done

For the first time in my life, I do not have to make art to sell…but make no mistake about it, selling my work is the most spectacular feeling of creative accomplishment, artistic success, financial validation and I like it. I genuinely  like it.  Not to mention, I could really, really, really use the money.  

Releasing that desire to please a buying market and turning into  myself and  my feelings as a source of inspiration has been one of the most difficult vulnerable things I think I have ever done…..and am still doing it

I have no idea if the work I am doing is good, appealing, or in sale-able color pallets. HELL….. I am not even sure I like it!  I just know for the first time in my life I NEED to make it….for me. 

"Me"  Paula Cole

not afraid to fail....

It is so much easier than most people think!  Creativity does not require that I have a predetermined outcome.  It means that all I have to do is have the courage to begin and let go of expectations and quantifiable results!  I suspect this is specifically why some people have such a difficult time with creatives.  We question everything, look at every problem from a different point of view and will attempt an answer without a guaranteed result.

Creatives are not afraid to fail….

"Ants Marching" Dave Matthews Band

Screw them....

I have met them…I am not certain if they are intimidated by me, but whatever they are they seem to need to build themselves up by tearing me down.  They chronically remind me how much smarter they are than me, how much more experienced they are than me.  That I am so damaged, only they know what is good for me.

They will destroy me, to make themselves look and feel better.

Screw them….

"We Don't Care" Eric Bibb

Re-framing.....

My 2016 year of Artist’s Way classes are over with a mixed feeling of joy and relief, but most endings are like that.  I always learn more than I teach in these classes, and that is one of the huge reasons I keep coming back year after year.  This summer group came up with a term that has resonated with me. She (and she knows who she is) calls it re-framing.  

As an old picture framer even the word, re-framing appeals to me.  Re-framing appears to have its roots in gratitude, but is not the same.  Re-framing is taking a situation that may be difficult and looking at it from a different point of view (as opposed to my ingrained typical point of view) before reacting.  It also opens up the possibility of acknowledging grief and anger unlike gratitude. Sometimes I just need to be hurt, and grieve, sometimes I feel like I am so full of emotional scar tissue I am running out of the ability to be empathetic with others and myself. 

This week,  I have officially rejected the newest round of old tests that they use to determine how much more heart function I have lost.  I am re-framing my health, re-framing my life.

"From Me to You"  Janis Ian

Way Outside my Comfort zone! But loving, living and growing....

It is done.   I made a decision …..well to be honest, I think the decision had been made years ago, but last year I caved into medical pressure and advice. Hope and fear are influential bedfellows and when combined become a powerful convincing weapon.  Extreme measures were taken, surgeries were planned and executed that gave everyone, and that includes me, the ability to legitimately say, we tried everything! Or am I being incredibly naïve, could it have been my “hope and fear” that created my willingness to try anything did nothing more than generate a profit and relieve legal liability responsibilities for the doctors and hospitals... I risked my future, my money and my life. They risked nothing and generated a huge profit.  Financially, physically, emotionally the surgeries last year were the hardest thing I have ever done, and I cannot begin to entertain the thought of going through that or anything like it again. I stopped it before the hope and fear have a chance of enticing me into gambling my entire future, economically and emotionally again. Yes it is scary and uncomfortable and way outside my comfort zone!

"Fumbling Towards Ecstasy"  Sarah McLachlan 

Another's Eyes

I am still learning how to embrace my own thoughts (insanity) I am just beginning to realize I am different and completely vulnerable. It maybe  through that vulnerability that maybe I might find some of my own worth.  But I struggle desperately with finding the strength required to find and maintain my own self-worth, I am frustrated that I still need others approval, or need them to  want  me.  I look through another’s eyes to find what is attractive in me.

"Should Have Known Better" Sufjan Stevens

Just gossip and an all you eat fish fry....

Taking a couple of days away, no teaching, no obligations, just playing with friends (although I suspect there may be some serious wine drinking in the process). Nothing spectacular planned just gossip and an all you eat fish fry.  It is all about the joy of being with women I adore!  There would truly be “peace on earth”, if everyone had friends like I have.  They accept me unconditionally and without judgment!  I can tell them all of my secrets and know they keep them. They laugh at my stupid stories and even encourage my ridiculousness!  And when I fall down, they pick me up….no questions asked.

Now I ask you….Does it get any better than gossip and a fish fry?

"Good Girls" (never get caught!)  Julian Moon

it may be so wrong....

I am moving forward by the seat of my pants (or lack there of). 

No…. I do not know what I am doing, but is there really ever a “sure thing”?   It may be so wrong and then again it might be so right.  I may have time to fix it if I am wrong, I might not.  The important part, for me, is that I am doing it my way.  AND…it has worked for me so far!  Well, kind of…

"Girl"  The Beatles

And after the second day of twisting wire and taping the armature (or wire and tape ...the clay sculpture skeleton) the girls are about ready for clay faces, boobs and bottoms and who knows what else! Thought I might mount them on a single long "bench" but I am kind of liking the separate pedestals....hmmmmm? Need to think about that.

I am enjoying the "process"...I am slow s hell, have no idea what I am doing but I am liking it!

Louder than any of my words....

Old, 

strong, 

balanced,

multi-dimensional, 

poorly proportioned, 

not standing up straight-

but still standing, 

supported and 

suspended at the same time, 

broken and still beautiful

….alone…

 

"It's Amazing"  Jem

Stand back.....it is Monday!

Days and weeks come and go….Some are better than others, but I am thrilled that last week is over. Last week's doc appointments and test results broke me hard.  Unlike most, I am welcoming Monday morning, a new week-a new beginning.  I may not get to have a full “do over” but I am giving myself permission to look at this new heart issue from a new point of view. Well actually the same issue, it is just changing and creating new challenges and a new set of decisions.to make.  Monday morning gives me a fresh week and the promise of more time to come back “full of heartbreakingly beautiful scars”…  You might want to stand back, just a bit, because I can mend like a MF!

"Walk the Walk"  Eric Bibb

IT is the SHIT!

Each of us knows stories, have seen movies, read books about how someone beat the odds and thrived, won the game, had a miraculous recovery, found love, and achieved peace….Whatever good they wanted.  Being passionate is the one magic ingredient that is present in every successful scenario!  

Why don’t they teach this in schools???

Its free, it is in each of us it does not always scream at you announcing itself as your passion, it begins as a little whisper in your head….”this feels good….I am kind of good at it….I like it“ and it may not be just one thing, it might be several undefined things, ideas, talents that are in you. Passion isn’t always about the traditional lovers and loving, but it can be.  It can produce the same feelings of unlimited joy and happiness!

I promise it is there for each of us; it is the one gift that the universe gives everyone of us.  Be passionate….it truly is the shit!!

"Shine On"  Eric Bibb