Simply Scrumptious Saturday

It has been such a long time since I have given myself permission to screw around.  Oh how I have missed it, and oh how I needed it!  And.... I am really good at it!

One of my favorite, comfortable, familiar places to do that is in Sanford on Saturday morning.  The farmers market, the second hand book store, the folk art gallery and lunch are a kick-butt party for my senses and my spirit.  It was a marvelous day, and guess what came home with me?  Tomorrow it begins again…the poking,  the doctors, the tests…the ugly medical shit that invades my world.

"Closer I am to Fine"  Indigo Girls

flap...flap...flap...

flap...flap...flap...flap...flap...flap...

"Blowing in the Wind"  Peter, Paul & Mary

Reaching...reaching...reaching for more...

Do you know how it feels to need to reach for or to grab on to something, but not know what that is?

Is wanting “more” part of the human condition that propels us to achieve our best selves or is it what keeps us from appreciating what we have and living in gratitude?

I want to love, dance, sing, travel, play and create make until I just cannot physically do it anymore.  Do not tell me it’s ok to slow down and rest because it is not ok!

Reaching….reaching…reaching for more!

"Someday"  Sugar Ray

Love Everyday

The easiest to say is the hardest to do.

All of the answers to all of the hardest questions can be found in love, and for some reason it is almost always the last place we will look.
Easy to say does not mean easy to do.

Love through the anger.

Love through the grief.

Love through the heartache.

"Everyday"  Dave Matthews Band

Flow Chart Mentality...Holy Crap!

Twice in the past couple of weeks I have had the unusual experience of  medical people using the phrase “You are on the left (or right) side of the flow chart”.  For you LEFT BRAINERS this may make perfect sense, but those of us with RIGHT BRAIN mentality it is confusing as hell!  When I was told we are working down the RIGHT side of the flow chart, I took it to mean RIGHT, GOOD, CORRECT, APPROPRIATE….then in a conversation with someone else, they mentioned they were working down the LEFT side of the flow chart and this was a great situation….WHAT?  I was confused, looked up a flow chart, and this is what I found….HOLY CRAP!  "What we have here is a failure to communicate"

"Be OK"  Ingrid Michaelson

Breaking Rules

The things I remember most are the things that I was advised (or just knew) I should not be doing. Too often going after what feels good means letting go of what others think is right.  But underneath a muffled giggle, I can say I have never regretted any rule that I intentionally broke, especially the ones that I did not get caught!

"Good Girl" Julian Moon

Where I am right now....

 I am learning that I cannot allow anyone else; including those I love to have any bearing on my decisions.  I cannot put my life or my own feelings of self-worth in the hands of those that cannot feel me, see me or understand how and why I feel. I am in love with my life and I am perfectly marvelously aware of and inspired by where I am right now.

"Bookends"  Simon & Garfunkle

I can do this!

It (and by "it".... I mean everything!)
used to be so much easier, now it seems to take so much effort.

But I am here to say that I still can do this, I have not missed out on doing one single thing that I have really really wanted to do and that is the way I plan to keep on doing it!

I can do this!

"Beautiful"  Carol King

Art lies in paradox....

"Art lies in paradox, serious art is born from serious play."

Julia Cameron

It takes a whole lot of courage for emerging artists to expose themselves! "The Sky is the Limit" is The 2015 Leesburg Art Center Artist's exposing and celebrating their own creativity . This may look like an Art Exhibition.... but it is not.... it is a wonderful "Celebration of Creativity" and I am so excited and proud that I get to be a part of their art and their lives!

Just in case there is an “incident”....

Yes, I am grousing again! Waiting sucks!  Grrrr

And when the lack of patience is an issue….. this becomes a real problem.

Yes, I know that waiting builds character, patience is tantamount to virtue and patience is always revered and admired.  However, when it comes to doctors and tests and insurance I am flat ass out of patience!

I thought someone ought to know,  just in case there is an “incident”!

"Body Love Pt 1 & 2"    Mary Lambert

This is what gives me power and purpose

....this is what gives me power and purpose and all of the good things that most people, most especially the medical industry will never understand....clear the floor there will be art, wine, food music, and magnificent creatives sharing and hanging their work! It could not possibly get any better than this!


"She is not Afraid"  One Direction

Yes....What She Said!

Yes....What she said!  Joni Mitchell!
I am so incredibly blessed that I have the luxury of freedom...the amazing, incredible, outstanding freedom to create and be/feel so ALIVE!


"Higher Ground"  Stevie Wonder

It is the last time I will give away my power...

Most of my life, I have done “should” and “must”  without realizing I even had a choice to make.

Yesterday I made a choice for no other reason than the doctors said I should and I must.  I did what they wanted me to do, even though it is not what I wanted to do.  I hated  the choice, I hated myself for giving in!

It is the last time I will give away my power .   I will take responsibility for this choice, but I will not make another choice in my life based on what someone else says that I must or what I should do…My choices have to be about what gives my life meaning!

"From me to You"  Janis Ian

Just because....

Just because I need this one....
“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.”  Maya Angelou

With Brave Wings....

And some days I have to accept that not everything is going to go the way I would like it too.  Some days I understand that the only person that is capable of taking care of me, is me.  It is a dance between knowing how and when to accept help, but learning not to depend on it.  And on the hardest days I will accept failures and defeats with grace, then spread my brave wings and fly.

"Fly"  SugarRay

Bring it!

Got my Big Girl Panties on, 

a full moon smiling on me,

I am ready for anything….
OK...life....love....art....heart... BRING IT!

"Moon River"    ortoPilot

Breaking Silence...

Just so you know…this is not a journey, not unless you want to pay for the trip! It sucks…I am tired all of the time…pain kicks my ass and it hurts…and if that is not bad enough wait until the bills start rolling in.  I should be having a hell of a lot more fun, for this kind of money.  Do not feel like being nice, lady like, kind, understanding, accepting or philosophical about life.  I am hurt, angry, and mad…I do not want to do this anymore, it really sucks!  

                         

"Breaking Silence"  Janis Ian
and after reading  the past few posts, 
it is entirely possible that there is
a tid-bit of bipolar thrown in!
AUGHHH!

m&m breakfast

"Lacking a coherent view of how people might live successfully all the way to their very end, we have allowed our fates to be controlled by the imperatives of medicine, technology, and strangers.”

Dr. Atul Gawande
“Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End”

It is going to be another week of information and decisions, decisions and even more decisions.  After a slew of new medicines, I see a new doctor (a.k.a stranger) with a new set of solutions technology, ICD, internal cardiac defibrillator. CRAP.... I managed to hit all 3 of Dr. Gawande's imperatives in 2 weeks and it pretty much sucks! That is what I am thinking this morning with my peanut m&m’s.

"You and Your Heart "  Jack Johnson          

yes, I know this is not an appropriate breakfast

 but I do inappropriate so well!

                 

Ginger

according to the Urban Dictionary...
A rare natural hair color which inspires odd and sometimes fearful reactions from the more common colored hair types. Typically redheads are believed to be more sexual than normal, highly artistic, fierce fighters, and to have a greater tolerance for pain than average. The sun is their only real enemy. The Romans were said to have put red haired males into training as soldiers since they were believed to be fierce warriors. Rome also gave up on taking Ireland due to the number of redheads they saw there.

"Music in Me"  Paula Cole                            

In the Music!

Your heartbeat mimics the music you listen to!

YES!

"Good Girl"  Julian Moon

"you'll think I am magic, cause I'll make you dizzy"

"a good girl is a bad girl, that hasn't been caught!"

Thanks....DeeDee Quinn