I Saw it Coming...

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s 5 stages of loss theory,  explains how one moves from denial to rage through bargaining to depression and the eventual bliss of acceptance.  This theory hasn’t gone smoothly in my case. I get through the first 4 stages quite nicely. But when I get bogged down in depression, I have found that the best antidote is a good dose of denial.  Although this works magnificently it also short circuits the entire process and I never make it to acceptance.   I am the queen of denial, I am good at it, and years of practice have made me an expert!   I have spent a life time burning the candle at both ends and enjoyed the light it gave off.  I pushed too hard, ignored too much pain, pretended too long and for precisely those reasons, I just cannot see myself whining about how this is all so unfair.  I have been taunting this situation for years and now that I am succumbing to something so predictable and ordinary, it bores even me.  However, I am frustrated by the sense of waste. I had great plans!  I’ve sacrificed and worked hard enough to earn them.  Now, I see this kind of thinking for what it is: sentimentality and self-pity. I excel at both.  But neither serves me at this point.  Last week’s heart cath results sucked, but I saw it coming….

"Heal Yourself"  Ruthie Foster