life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Monday, August 27, 2012

No Expectations

One of my mantras in life is no expectations.  

I have found my past expectations of people and/or situations have typically created the most unhappiness in my life. If I approach life without expectations, then every situation/person offers the opportunity to authentically experience reality, good or bad. No expectations mean I am open to all of the marvelous opportunities and possibilities.   

All of this being said, I find that expectations creep into my life anyway. When my preconceived expectations, intentional or not, bump into reality, it is almost always followed by pain.

Expectations have done it again.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

hOLy cRAp.....another one!

Holy Crap!!!! Another article...Woo-Hoo...Who says you cannot go back home?
I'll be back home with bells on for the Sept. 8th "Meet the Artist"!
 
 

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Lessons, lessons, and more lessons!

 It seems very appropriate that as my summer winds down and another semester begins (whew) that I am more aware of lessons and how they come into my life and what they teach me.  I have had a boatload of lessons recently, some good, some bad, but one specifically reminded me how important it is to take care of my own heart. “Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.”-Buz Luhrmann 
I am blessed with so many wonderful people in my life!

Saturday, August 18, 2012

The Price

The last couple of weeks have been like a dream come true, and the most exciting part of all of it is that I did it!  Two openings in two weeks, one as one-woman show and the other the Artist’s Way Group exhibition. Each of them had their own set of incredible but different challenges.

I have facilitated, created, framed, delivered, planned, installed, marketed, danced, ate, and drank. I have given 100% of my body and soul; it is all I know how to do when it comes to the art. It was my first step back into the life I once had. However, reality has also spoken up and rudely reminded me that it has come at a physical price.  

A price that I have willingly paid, and would happily pay again it the opportunity comes, because this is my life, it is what I do, it is what gives my life meaning.

Monday, August 13, 2012

Now the choice is mine.


All of the pushing, the fretting, and the carrying back and forth is over and I could not have asked for more perfect!  The Artist’s Way Celebration of Creativity was awesome, well attended, everyone had fun and the artwork is fantastic!  I can say the very same thing about Pairings in Leesburg, one week later, but this one was all my work!

There were times, especially last week, that I was not certain I would make it.  But I did.  I have been reminded what my life used to look like, I have been given the opportunity to show the world and me what I can do. 
Now the choice is mine...

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Do NOT crap out on me now!

Body has stepped up and announced loudly “ENOUGH BITCH”.   So…. that there is absolutely no misunderstanding …. this is NOT what I wanted and it is NOT so much better!What I have accomplished in the past few weeks is phenomenal, what it has done to me sucks!
Please-Please incredible wonderful, beautiful strong  heart do not crap out on me now!

Monday, August 6, 2012

Load-Unload-Repack-Load


In a few more hours unload again! It will be the last of the unloads to set up an exhibition, there are still 2 opportunities to take down these exhibits, that carry their own set of load and unload issues!

 Officially, I am half way through! And this is the BIG one coming up. If last week’s installation and opening reception are the harbinger of what is to come then it is going to be a fantastic week. However, as an artist my natural tendency is to zip right to the bad place…and that ugly voice in my head is running amuck….If last week went so well, surely the big “screw up” is right around the corner. The law of averages is not on my side. I am due for a big fall!  

When will I ever learn to relax, enjoy and revel in the NOW, rather than dipping into the future to borrow problems!  

Now….on to the next unload!

Saturday, August 4, 2012

The Best Time to Celebrate

Every day I can create.

Every day I can laugh.

Every day I can love.
Every day is the best time to celebrate. 
Every day…..
Every day….
Every day….

2012 Artist Way Group Celebration of Creativity Day!  I am so blessed to have been in the company of all these magnificent creatives, that in itself is certainly reason to celebrate!

Friday, August 3, 2012

Shine My Life Like Light

For such a long time, I felt like I had no more to contribute.  Not creating, inspiring, nurturing was about as close to death and dying as I could ever be.  I believed what everyone else said, freely giving my power and trust to doctors and medicines. I trusted them and turned my back on my own miraculous power!
I have pushed harder and created more than I ever thought possible!

These past few weeks and the week to come are my announcement to the universe that I am. 
I am strong. 
I am a creative. 
I have so much more to give! 
I trust me and the universe,  and when I give everything I am,  the universe will give me what I need to keep going.
Let it be me…Let it be me!

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Stacked and Staged

It has been so long since I have seen my work stacked and staged ready to go out for an installation and exhibition.  I forgot how overwhelmingly marvelous it feels to see all of these images  that came out of me in one place, and more grateful than words can express that they did.  

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Everything Happens for a Reason....


When an unexpected door opens, I want to walk through it and explore all of the experiences it has to offer.  I am learning that  my life should be all about taking every opportunity that comes my way and trust (without judgment or expectation) that the Universe knows what I need!
All I have to do is screw up my courage, trust the Universe, do the work and laugh and laugh and laugh!