I want her back

My well  worn  art show chair, a glass of pinot, a rising full moon, and a heart full of memories and my imagination should be soaring forward.  But, I am finding it is so much easier to drift backwards when I was confidently clear about who I was and where I was going.   Where is that Cheryl, I want her back!

That Cheryl  would never be afraid of teaching a new class; she would be reveling in anticipation.   I want her back.
   
That Cheryl would be dancing in moonlight celebrating a new exhibition opening  not second guessing herself, scared to death. 
I want her back!  Damn it, I want her back!