life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


.

.
Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Miss You Dearly...

It is a sad evening, and I just cannot seem to hold back tears any more as I feel 2 people that I know and love slip out of my life, one by choice and one loosing a long battle at the end of a wonderful life. As much as I hurt and want to go back in time, I know that cannot happen. I hope they will know how much more wonderful my life has been because they have been in it. I am grateful and wish you well on your next journey. I love you and will miss you dearly.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

I want to...

I want to really really live.
I want to laugh til my stomach tightens and my face cheeks ache.
I want to cry from my heart and let the tears wash me to where I need to go.
I want to feel the music and dance wildly.
I want to love so deeply that even my cells quiver.
I want to know that I'm worthy
i want to leave fear way behind me.
I want to fall to my knees in gratitude for this gift of life I have been given.
...I know what a gift it truly is.

Monday, October 17, 2011

If I Could Trust

I have been afraid for so long now,
the idea of trusting myself seems foreign....
if I could trust...
if I can just trust myself and my body-
I just might learn how truly powerful I can be!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

See me?



Why can’t I see me?
Why am I still chasing my purpose and asking why am I here?
Why can others see me more clearly than I can see myself?

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Recognizing My Strengths!

How many times have I almost crumbled to the ground? It is time to stop, I am looking at how far I have traveled and all it has taken to get here, and recognize my strength. The strengths I have always had inside and the strength I’ve gained along the way. I am standing up, standing tall, facing forward, and gratefully continuing on.

Thursday, October 6, 2011