life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Monday, January 31, 2011

Making Significant Progress

“When you encounter much difficulty and resistance, it is because you're in the process of making significant progress.”
Wise words tweeted at me this week.

I think I like the idea that all the crap I have had to deal recently is the universe giving me the heads up and saying, “Get ready girl-really good stuff is on the way”!

Monday, January 24, 2011

I Do Not Know What That Is

Desperately searching for all the things I want to accomplish, while I still can, I have learned that I have no idea what I am doing. There never have been any long-term directions or distinguishing themes to my life. I always managed to rise to the typical expectations, but nothing more.

I am feeling desperate to achieve that marvelous life that will fulfill me.
I am feeling more overwhelmed and worthless than I have ever been.

How do I be everything I want to be, even when I do not know what that is?

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Powerful New Ways to be Strong

In the New Year 2011, I planned a big renaissance for my life, my art and career…
I got pneumonia. Obviously, reinventing my life has not gotten off to a great start.

I freely admit that I do not know how to (nor did I really want to) experience life from a less than perfect point of view. So this past year while experiencing rather magnificent health for someone with heart failure, I reformulated what I was capable of and for all intensive purposes, it did not include limitations.

Limitations have made an ugly and abrupt arrival.

My lesson is to become honestly aware of my physical weaknesses and limitations.
In so doing so I will find powerful new ways to be strong.

Monday, January 3, 2011

It is Amazing

It is amazing that the part of me that is sick is the one part of me that keeps me going.

I am blessed to have such a strong heart that knows in a mysterious way that its function is so much more than simply pumping blood.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Wisdom of My Heart

The best way to honor my life is to follow my heart!
Asking the questions,
Quietly feeling the answers
Trusting in the strength and wisdom of my own heart.