life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

What if?

"If you play the game of life, you'll have plenty of wins and losses, regardless of your talent level.
Being inspired means that you're willing to act upon your inner impulses so that you'll never experience the pain of dying while still wondering,
What if?"


- Dr. Wayne Dyer

That’s the way it is.

There are things you can always count on.
Day will follow night.
Spring will follow winter
and healing follows sickness.
That is the way it is.

I am ready to get on with it

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Cracks

Approaching one year and able to look back and assess the emotional damage left in the wake. Noticing parts of me that have grown stronger and deeper but watching others slip and fade away in the distance. I work hard at covering the emotional cracks hoping that no will notice, but I suspect they still show.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Cathy

"I love you! You are brave. You are full of courage and power. You are one of the lucky ones. You are willing to change. I love you. I am good to myself, I care about me, I want the best for me. I love you. I am full of love for myself and others. There is more than enough for all. I love you!"
-Cathy Phelps (Cathy's last blog entry)


Missing my friend, missing having someone that really understands how it feels. Loving her strength and courage.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

A Friend Reminded Me

There is a great deal of insight available to anyone that stops and looks with in. However, sometimes it takes looking out side to see the real world.
A visit with a friend reminded me.
Without saying a word, she told me to embrace each day. Do not worry so much about the future, it will come whether I am ready or not. Thank you, Cathy

Monday, September 6, 2010

The First Casualty

I have made concessions to this disease. It has affected my daily life and has been extremely frustrating, but I can honestly report that until this weekend I did not feel like I had missed out on any event that I really wanted to participate in.

This was the first real casualty, the first time that the disease won. This time it has literally taken life away from me. Fear and pain paralyzed me, and I gave up a wonderful opportunity to share an experience with my children.
I hate this!
How much more life will I allow heart failure claim?